Hello! To be honest i’m not quite sure to start with this, cause it’s a very heavy/emotional topic for me to talk about, and i have never really opened up to anyone about my problems before this year, but i will give it a try! And the whole thing wont come out in one big blog post, but more as a few moderate once.
So it started when i was in elementary school, the first week or so started out quite good, We were trying to get to learn each other’s names and try to get some friends in the class and when we were outside. But for me that wasn’t really easy, already from day 1 i was the quiet one in class, i never actually said a word unless i was spoken to and everyone thought that i was wierd or looked in a funny way.
So, already during the first week people would start calling me names, which i didn’t really care to much about in the beginning, but still i wasn’t excited to hear how ugly or stupid i was first thing in the morning. But when this went on for a month, things started to get a little bit worse for me psychologically, as I started to think that i wasn’t worth enough to have any friends, that no one actually cared for me except my parents.
From that day on i started to spend every recess i had in the forest that was quite close to the school, just in order for me to be alone and finally get a moment of silence. I would even wait until everyone had walked back into their classes before i even managed to walk up to the school, and this is even before the worst had even started.
It was actually very quiet during the class, but as i was waiting for the next recess i could literally feel my whole body shaking and i managed to cry infront of the whole classroom because i was so afraid of what would happen next, what had i done wrong for people to hate me like this?
My teacher actually went up to me and brought me out to the hallway to ask me what was wrong, and i told her what had happened to me during my time at school and that i really didn’t feel well at all and just wanted to go home. She asked me who was calling me names and such, and of course i told her who they were. Instead of sending me home she followed me up to the principal’s office so that i could tell him what had happened, and what i didn’t know was that she went up to get the people who were bullying me so that we could sort it out.
As i sat with the principal with tears in my eyes and not wanting to tell what had happened again i could see that my teacher brought the ones that were calling me names, and you can all probably guess what happened from here? cause as i said, things started out quite good.
When they saw me sit there i could almost feel unwelcome and that i really had done something i shouldn’t have. Once they stood infront of me and the principal i could see them looking towards me, and of course my teacher told him the whole story and they were all forced to apologize to me.
We went back to the classroom and sat there for a couple of minutes before the recess started again, and this time i was really afraid of going out of the classroom, but i managed to do it, and i ran towards the forest hoping that they wouldn’t find me there. After i got there and i sat down it didnt really take long for them to come over there aswell. I didn’t really know what to do at this point, so i just sat there in shock looking at them. One of them had a large piece of wood with him that was almost the lenght of a baseball bat. They just looked at me and asked “why did you tell them?”
All i could really say to them was that the teacher had asked me to, and they really didn’t like that answer.
They actually started kicking and punching me, but luckily he threw away the piece of wood that he had before going towards me. As they were doing this they started calling me names again, and i was laying there on the ground and crying once more that day. As they were finished my whole body hurt, and they told me that if i were to tell anyone about this again, things would get worse for me. I had never felt more threatened before, and i couldn’t hold the tears back as i was laying there in pain and hurting all over. Now this is when things started to get alot worse, and i was to scared to actually tell anyone about it.
As soon as i got up from the ground i started walking home instead of going back to school, and my tears was still running but the worst of it was over and i could actually see what was infront of me instead of the blur that came from the tears.
As soon as i came home there was no one there, cause my parents was at work.
And this is the end of this blogpost! There will be more soon, and it will be continued from where i left off, so don’t you worry, more is to come!
And i have to say that it actually feels good to get these things off my chest, even though it’s just a small part of it.